Throughout our lives we fall in and out of love—it’s human nature. Sometimes, love lasts and grows stronger as time goes on. Other times, it fades or changes—sometimes in ways we never imagined it would.

But as time and feelings change, people often try to make others change. We think, “If only he or she were more …” Plug in any adjective you’d like here—understanding, compassionate, handsome, romantic—the list goes on and on. We’ve all done it. We’ve all tried to change someone to fit the mold of what we’re looking for, whether it’s an emotional need or a physical one.

But changing someone never works. People don’t change because they are forced into it. They change because something inside of them lights up and says, “It’s time.” The person or people you love may never change. They may never fit the mold of what you “want them to be.” And that is okay. They are not meant to fit a mold. They are just as they are supposed to be.

Can we all be better versions of ourselves? Sure. We can be more understanding. We can let our partners know how we’re feeling. And we can be more patient. But it is not your job to change someone at their core. That is individual work.

Instead, follow the words of Wes Angelozzi, “Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.”

As you are loving those around you for who they are at their core, remember to bring that love and understanding within. We are not always the perfect souls we intend to be. And we do not always meet our own—often lofty—expectations of ourselves. Remember to have grace and patience with yourself. You are an ever-evolving work in progress. The person you are today sets the groundwork for the incredible human you will become tomorrow. If only we could all see ourselves and those around us in that beautiful light.